“Long time no see, Charlie,” I said to Charlie Brooker when I see him after yes a long time of no seeing him.
“Been in the City of Angels. Black Mirror, it’s a global phenomenon.”
“Yeah, saw it was riding pretty high in the Most Popular list on Kodi.” It had actually depressed me, seeing that. Seeing he was doing well as I knew the better he did the less time he’d have for me. “They do have phones in Los Angeles, you know?”
“I know, I meant to call. I was in New York though.”
“You said you were in LA.”
“No I didn’t.”
“You fucking did. Look, at the top of the page.”
“Eh, City of Angels. New York.”
“City of Angels is Los Angeles. Angeles. Angels.”
“Oh fuck, you’re right. I’ve been calling it… nobody corrected me.”
“That’s because you surround yourself with sycophants.”
“The Windy-”
“Big Apple, dickhead.”
“Yeah. God. Yeah. Ha! Shit. Years I’ve been calling it The City of Angels. I thought because of all the people who died.”
“9/11?”
“No, way more than that. Thousands.”
“What do you want, Charlie Brooker?”
“Can I come in?”
“Have you left Konnie?”
“No, she’s fine, I think.”
“So what do you want then?”
“I’ve got something to show you.”
“Mate, unless it’s a Nintendo Switch you’ve somehow got hold of, because they’re all sold out and have been for months, then I don’t want to know.”
“It is, it’s a Nintendo Switch!” Charlie Brooker produced a Nintendo Switch from his bag. I looked up and down the road and then invited him in off the doorstep.
In the living room Charlie attached the dock to the TV. He had to unplug my Xbox One. I watched him. I half expected him to knock over my TV. He didn’t. He then produced the whole gamut of peripherals. I’m talking everything. Extra set of JoyCons. The charging grip, not the one bundled. The extra one and a fucking pro controller.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” I said. “You must have spent a fortune.”
“Yeah. Told you though. Black Mirror. I’m the new Ricky Gervais over there. They’re talking about letting me write an episode of The Simpsons.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. Got some ideas. Homer’s such a
Charlie Brooker started wittering on about the cast of The Simpsons, I wasn’t listening but I waited until he finished.
“I don’t really see who this is aimed at.”
“Simpsons and Charlie Brooker fans!”
“No, I mean the Nintendo Switch. I wish they’d just made a beast of a home console.”
“It’s pretty good on the big screen. Watch this.” Charlie pulled out a little dinky cart and put it in the Switch. He then docked it. Nothing happened and I sighed as I found the remote so I could change HDMI sources. Sighed like it was a big chore. After a second, Zelda appeared. Although it was Link. Confusingly Zelda is the name of the princess and not the main protagonist.
“Woah!”
“I know, 900p.”
“900p?”
“Yeah, 900p”
“That looks pretty good.”
“Watch this.” Charlie removed the Switch from it’s dock. There was a sexually satisfying click and the telly went to that black screen where the box bounces around to prevent screen burn, which isn’t really a thing these days on modern TVs. Still a bit annoying. The game was instantly on the handheld unit.
“Why would I want it on the little screen? It looked great on the big screen.”
“We could take it out?”
“I don’t go out much. You know that.”
“Come on, let’s go and get some gelato.”
“Nah, I haven’t got any clean clothes.”
“Who cares, come on.”
It was June and hot, not what it is like today. Even though the Switch had been out for a few months it was still sold out and Nintendo’s market cap was twice that of Sony’s who were struggling because those VR headsets killed a bunch of people.
“Fine!”
In the gelato emporium Charlie confidently asked for cherry and mascarpone flavour. Seemed like only three years ago I’d had to order for him when he didn’t even know what a pistachio was. America had changed him, though not to the degree where his end of year Newswipes were any different. That was the same tired old act. Unlike Black Mirror I’d watched that. I had coconut. I was still not happy. Charlie Brooker just turning up and wanting to carry on where we’d left off.
Charlie set up the Switch on a table and changed carts. He put in 1,2 Switch. A collection of mini games disgracefully sold as a full price retail release even though it should have been built in as it demonstrated the motion-control aspect of the Switch in a similar way to how WiiSports had when the Wii launched. Then he pulled out another one. Another Switch, I think. Or maybe you only need one. Whatever, we had enough screens to play 1,2, Switch which had already sold more copies than Call of Duty: Infinite Space Wars, making a lot of people on the internet look even more stupid as it did so.
Charlie had a few scoops of gelato and then gave me a set of JoyCons. The coloured ones. They felt a bit small.
“Wait until you feel the HD rumble.”
I felt the HD rumble while choosing Player 2. “Blimey! That’s some high fidelity rumbling!” I was melting faster than my gelato which was melting really fast. I felt like I had magic in my hands.
We did some gun fighting which was great fun. Then we milked cows while staring into each other’s eyes. Fucking hell Charlie Brooker was looking old. We then uncovered the fact there was much more to 1,2 Switch then it seemed when first revealed and it was actually a bargain. We had a crowd around us now as we ploughed through the incredible layers of content. Mario, the owner of the gelato emporium, unhygienically wiped away a tear with his tea towel and then wiped the counter with it. “It’s-a-great to-a see you-a boys-a-back-a-together!” he sobbed. I gave him a thumbs up. I felt pretty emotional myself but the emotion I felt was one of having great fun. The Nintendo Switch was so much fun and actually a bargain when you considered that not only had it got me, a hermit, outside and socialising. It had reunited Charlie Brooker and myself. And it had made me laugh more than anything had done since Ainsely Harriott was evicted from Charlie’s street. All that for only £600. Yeah, £600. The price had gone up since launch but nobody gave a fuck. Because some things you just can’t put a price on.
26 hours later we’d finished 1,2 Switch’s main campaign. The crowds had left to try and source their own Switches and Mario was snoring gently on the next table.
“Thanks, Charlie. I needed this.” And I meant it.
“Don’t thank me, thank those geniuses from Kyoto and also me.”
I nodded.