Talking of Hi-De-Hi!

After my interview I went to the bookshop in town – they had a signing going off and the guy signing the book was, I thought, Hale or Pace (I can’t tell them apart.) Anyway, it was Hale or Pace so I said to him, “where’s the other one?” just to say something – I never liked them – and he just looked at me and I laughed and said, “you know, the other one?” Now I couldn’t say Hale or Pace because I didn’t know which one this one was. This one wasn’t the littler one who looks like the Haribo kid, it was the bigger one.
So he’s looking confused and I’m standing there smiling like a fucking idiot and I look at the book and see it’s neither Hale nor Pace and is in fact burnt Falklands war hero guy, Simon Weston. Oh man. I just laughed and pointed off into a corner hoping to make everybody think I was talking about something only I could see, and then I walked out of the shop, my gait stilted and unnatural.