some old bullshit


Dear You
I am writing about your telly show MASTERCHEF. I have numerous complaints which I demand are addressed by the show’s maker.
 1) Why can’t Gregg, the bald one, eat properly? That’s pretty much all he has to do. He just has to eat and he’s not very good at that. He has to lean over with a hanky to catch any bits that he can’t get into his gob. How difficult is it to put food in your mouth if your job, no doubt highly paid, is to put food in your gob. Gregg need only look to his mate John to see how to eat. John never drops any. He confidently gets fork full after fork full into his face.
2) John often looks totally sozzled in the second half of the show. I think he’s on the sauce (not béchamel!) at lunch
3) The professional kitchen bit is stupid, I don’t like it. I make a cup of tea then “Oh so and so after a bad start is finally getting out dish after dish of blah blah,” who cares?
4) On the Thursday show why eliminate somebody before letting them cook? That’s insane. Have you only got four cookers or something?? Stop that, let them all cook.
5) In the Thursday show they do flashbacks to the week’s episodes. These are done with a strange grey filter for some reason. I guess so we know it’s a flashback. You know, because we’re really stupid. No, YOU are stupid. Food filmed with a grey filter looks disgusting. So the voice over is talking about how somebody wowed Greg and John with what looks like a dishcloth and some paste and my dead dad’s underpants. Come on, people, this isn’t rocket science.
6) When the winner of each show is announced it is always ALWAYS the penultimate person the camera shows. For example, let’s say Sharon won. The camera would pan, in the tense bit before they say to winner, from Barry, to Sharon, then to Duncan. There is then a wide shot of everybody. Sharon has won. We know because she had the penultimate close-up and you have used this system for the last five years. Try and mix it up a bit.
Apart from that I fucking LOVE the show. How about doing a WHERE ARE THEY NOW on past winners?


Yours foodily
James Barker
Update – They removed the grey filter for the flashback but still pull all the other shit. Actually they changed the Thursday elimination too. John still gets stocious.