some old bullshit


I stepped out of my house. My red shiny post box was alerting me to the fact that I’d had letters delivered. Fuck that. My pockets were full. The weather was beautiful. I saw a bug. I was going for a run. I was running, careful not to run through the flowers I’d planted. I laughed at the thought of planting flowers and then running through them like an idiot. Who would do that? I stopped to pull up a weed and then I fell in a hole. I got out of the hole and ran past loads of other houses. A few people were milling about. “Hello Anteater!” I said to the blue thing. More noticed me but I ignored them and ran to the beach. I started fishing and then remembered my pockets were full. I picked up a shell by accident but my pockets were full. And then I was running again. I saw some more bugs. I skirted around more flowers and ran up the hill to the shop. My leg felt great. It was cured.
The automatic doors whooshed open and I stepped inside. The shopkeeper spoke in unintelligible bleeps. I stood and listened to him, smiling politely. I showed him all the things in my pockets that I wanted to sell. A bunch of shells, a tin can and some writing paper. Also some apples.
“How many Bells for all this?”
The shopkeeper bleeped his delightful bleeps some more.
“Wanna get a bigger house for all my STUFF!” I shouted the last word. Stuff. I looked around the shop and frowned.
The shopkeeper bleeped again.
I decided to sell and I gave him the things. He wouldn’t give me anything for the tin can, of course. Still, it would free up my pockets.
“Bleep bleep bleep you doing?”
“Give me the Bells, Tom!” I demanded.
“What you say?” Asked Tom Nook. Although… I felt a bit woozy, like I did when I fell in the hole. I guessed Rod, the mouse, had made that trap for me. I’ve never trusted him.
“Give me the Bells, for all this stuff,” I said. I looked down. The bottom of my trousers were muddy and I only had one shoe on. There was rubbish all around my feet. Rubbish I’d deposited when I’d turned my pockets inside out.
“Are chu ‘h’okay?” Bleeped Enrique. I looked at him. He looked very concerned. I looked down at the floor again and swallowed.
“Yeah, fine!” I scratched my face really hard. It was really itchy.
“Where your shoe?” He asked.
I chuckled. “Yeah, I am wearing a shoe!” I wiggled the toes on my unshod foot and laughed some more before looking serious. I looked at Enrique again. I stroked his face. “You’re so brown!” I gasped. He pulled his face away.
“I think chu should-“
“I’m going home.” I said.
Enrique waved and I closed my eyes tight.
“Yeah, bye,” I said. I stood there and pressed my fingers into the a place just above my skull lump that housed my eyebrows. Applying that pressure seemed to relieve the terrible headache I was suddenly aware I had. I then left the shop. The weather wasn’t so nice. My leg was hurting as badly as my head and something was different with my teeth. A tooth felt different. A filling had fallen out. I pressed my tongue into the cavity. I tried to run across the car park but only got halfway before the pain caused me to stop running. Oh yeah, one shoe, I thought. I limped home alternating between chuckling and looking serious.